Desire is:
- pursuit of the objet petit a - the elusive cause of desire
- The perpetual desire to keep desiring
My New Year's resolution
I wanted to make at least $1 in revenue.
It wasn't about the money.
It was about what the dollar represented. Proof that my work had value to the world - that I was building something real.
My first sale was my objet petit a.
The more sales, the further the fantasy collapsed.
The object is real now, numbers in Stripe. And suddenly it’s not the same thing anymore.
I got my object of desire, now I have to live with it.
The Waterfall
What's next, 100k MRR? $10 million?
Is that what I'm supposed to want?
Sure, sounds good. But something is missing. Revenue is feedback, not a purpose.
The object (money, validation, success) doesn’t complete you.
In the mountains I watched a small waterfall.
It was natural, purposeless, and somehow full of meaning. It didn’t justify itself.
It didn’t need to. It was real.
That feeling is what I want my work to carry.
Creation
To create, then, is to accept that you’ll never capture what you’re chasing.
Choosing to create anyway isn't nihilism, it's freedom.
Once you stop needing the fantasy to be true, you can play again. You can make things not because they’ll “succeed,” but because they feel alive.
What's my New Year's resolution for 2026?
I want to create art and technology.
Maybe I'll give it all away to everyone for free.
